A Letter to my unborn child. 

Dear Baby Doll,

Before I say anything else, I'd like to say THANK YOU! For coming into my life when I needed you the most.

I believe that you're nothing less than a miracle. A gift sent by God himself. And my most precious gift till date.

Your father and I were eager to have a baby and when we came to know you were coming to us, the happiness we felt cannot be compared to anything else we had experienced till then. When we saw you for the first time, you were the size of a little bud. 0.7cm or something as tiny as that. I couldn't believe it. We had to wait for 2 more weeks to be sure of your arrival. Nothing could've prepared us for what we were about to see during the second scan. We saw you come to life. Yes, we could see your teeny little heart beating away. It was such a beautiful feeling. When I told your father he was equally overcome with emotion. You were 7 weeks and 3 days old then.

The next few weeks were an absolutely whirlwindy with me trying to balance my work-life with the increasing morning-sickness (yes I had to deal with it for almost 4 full months), a ravenous appetite and drastic mood swings. I also went through a phase where I wasn't sure if I would be a good mother as I was unable to handle myself, let alone handling a little baby. Your dad was at his reassuring best ALL the time and has had a huge role to play in calming me down and helping me see the joy in the moment and enjoy the months ahead instead of worrying incessantly about things I was just imagining.

Also, we traveled to Mumbai twice by flight (once in early Feb and once in March) to take care of Ammamma who was very sick at the time and had undergone a surgery. I was confident you'll cope with the flight travel, and you did!

In April, when you were 4 odd months old, my life took an unexpected turn..now I realise for the better. Your dad had a bad attack of Chicken Pox for the first time in his life and I took the risk of being with him throughout, much against the advice of a whole lot of people, including the doctors. You were such a wonderful baby and cooperated so well those few days—right from erratic eating schedules to hectic, strenuous physical activity, you put up with it all. We were scared for you. But you proved to be a fighter and I am so proud of it. I prayed to God every moment in those few days for your well being. For your safety. And God did answer my prayers. In my next scan at 22 weeks we saw you to be a perfect, happy bouncy little thing with teeny weeny arms and legs. The relief I felt when the doctor told me everything was Ok was overwhelming.

It was during this time that I quit my job and decided to stay back home to take care of my family. As I'm writing this, at 6 months of pregnancy, I believe it was a good decision. Nothing can ever bring back these wonderful days and I wanted to enjoy every day of my first pregnancy. Being able to feel you kick, squirm, bounce all day long; having long conversations with you whenever I feel like it and imagining your kicks to be a response to I say. Fantasizing about what life will be like after you come into the world - tiny clothes all around, colourful toys, loud cries, precious smiles and above all that.. the unconditional love.

I've done a lot of things that most women don't dare to do during their pregnancy, especially the first one... like travel several times by air during the first and second trimesters, take long road trips, take speed boat rides in the rough sea, risking a dangerous, contagious infection, watching Bollywood movies (fearing the filmy influence J), eating anything and everything that came my way and just continuing to be myself. I've also not done many things that pregnant women are particular about like being oh-so-gentle, behave like a patient and refuse to do any strenuous work, listen to calm music, reading 'good' books etc etc. And you, my baby, have been a great partner in all my deeds. Am sure you'll turn out to be just like Appa and me in many ways. You've already shown us that you are a fighter, a traveler at heart and also a foodie by nature. The rate at which am watching Bollywood movies and enjoying the FIFA world cup, am assuming you'll be just as filmy as I am and enjoy playing and watching sports as much as Appa does. :D

As the 9-month wait to bring you into the world is drawing in on me, am becoming increasingly excited. We are also preparing to discipline ourselves so that we can bring you up the right way till you are old enough to take care of yourself.

Both Appa and I are going to try our best to give you a good life to the best of our abilities starting from day one. Hope you are warm, healthy and comfortable and stay that way always. Wishing you a wonderful life ahead my little one.

Loads and loads of love,

Amma

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I love my new home. I love Goa.

Because it is here, that I have discovered a new found love for life, solitude, peace, 

togetherness, struggle and simplicity.

Thank you, Goa.

Thank you hAAthi for sharing the Love. 


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We have always been very fond of doing up ourhome, so I have walls full of pictures and souvenirs. And yes lots of plants across the house
One of my greatest weakness's is for green and sometimes when I am walking on the road and find a pretty plant, I uproot one, pull out a plastic from my bag and plant it once I'm home.
A month back we were in Mumbai with G's parents and I saw a beautiful plant in the garden, immediately took it out and put it in a plastic with some soil and moistened it. The general verdict was that it would shrivel in the 4 hour drive back to Pune, but I just spoke to it and said "dont let me down gorgeous".

We reached home at 11 in the night, I rushed to my terrace picked up a new pot, poured some soil and planted the little guy. Over the next one week I saw 4 leaves drying , while I watered it, touched it gently and said "dont let me down baby".

It sat on my window sill in the kitchen and I rubbed its leaves with water and spoke to it saying "ohh c'mmon you need to be strong and gorgeous..pls baby".

Today after 45 days, it has 6 new leaves, measure 10cms more than what it was and is dark green and looks at me and says "I love you too ". 






Thank you Sulagna for sharing the Love. 


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Forgiveness

You asked me for my forgiveness
I was wounded and I refused.
Separate and silent, years slipped by
We grew apart and looked forward.

Then one day our paths collided
And you asked me once again.
I searched deep not knowing why
After such healing I still refused.

Later that night my soul searched
And i realized what I feared
It startled me with its truth
Lurking deep in ugly self denial.

I can't forgive if it means
Setting you free, letting you go
Breaking that tie that keeps you
In my life, bound to me.

If I forgave, we would be
Simply no more, don't you see?
I deny you not from anger
Grudge or revenge, no such irony!

It's simply because, I'm not ready
To be finished loving you yet.
For this reason I must continue
To refuse forgiveness...until I am.


XXX

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